smitten…I think.

As I have explained before, the romantic side of my life needs a lot of work.

I am picky. I am awkward. I am scatterbrained. No need to open that can of worms again. You know.

Right now I should be studying for my Calculus IV exam that I am taking tomorrow morning. But my brain is fried green tomatoes at this point and I wanted to discuss a man while he is still fresh in my mind. I will deal with second partial derivatives at another time.

We will call this man KFK.

The first time I laid eyes on KFK was at a NYE party at a friend’s house. Two of us went. Me and a close friend girl who prides herself in stealing the attention of men or meddling in her friends’ lives and sleeping with anything that walks and talks. Yeah I went with her.

Anyways, I saw him playing Cards Against Humanity with more of my random friends. I knew when I saw him, I felt that he was the only attractive person at this party. I am there for thirty minutes before he taps me on the shoulder and says…

Hey can you move your car? You are blocking me in.

Of course. Move your fat ass and your fat ass car out of the way you obnoxious girl. That is how I translated that. He spoke like a person that is easily irritated. I moved my damn car that was missing half a bumper and looked at him awkwardly and said…

Oh yeah, I killed a dog a few months ago.

What the actual fuck. Why would I say that? WHYYYYY? I’ll tell you why. I mean I really did kill a dog, not on purpose. The dog just used me as a tool for suicide. BUT I word vomit like a 90-year-old with dementia. When I am nervous, I choke on words and then vomit the words I choked on. I couldn’t help but be nervous around Mister 6′ 4″. He was dressed nice in a button up and slacks. He was well-spoken with light features. I was just very very attracted to him.

Well I knew he thought I was weird at that point and he left.

Later, my skank ass friend told me how she was texting this guy! KFK. WTF. I didn’t act like it bothered me of course when really I wanted to slit the skin between her fingers and toes and pour salt all over the fresh wounds. Too far? That statement made me a little queasy. But you get the picture.

She sucks doe for real. She was talking to two guys at the party, who happen to be best friends. KFK was a side friend of the other two best friends who all happened to be roomies in college. She was trying to build the ultimate orgy I guess. What do I know?

She told me her fantasies about him. His apartment. His demeanor. Blah brag brag brag. However, she told me that she asked him to describe me and her with one word. He gave her some skank ass word like “curious” or something and gave me “prestige”. I thought “wtf he noticed me”. But still I forgot about him and moved on with my life and she did also. She said something about him being an asshole.

Fast forward 3 years later. I am downtown at my favorite bar. I am much skinnier, my hair is long, I started college, and I was finally getting over MBE’s marriage. I see some guy I used to know in high school and I sit with him and chit chat.

5 minutes later.

KFK walks out.

Sits down at the table with me and the guy from high school. He is friends with the guy from high school. He tries to start a conversation with me. I sorta give him half attention. I am much more good at the games. I can handle myself. He seems irritated that I am talking to the high school guy more than him. I give him my full attention. He tells me how he thinks I am hot. Yada yada. You are asian. Nice breasts. But he said it more eloquently. Most women will think he is an asshole. Which he is…it’s besides the point. He gave me his number. He wanted to take me home. I declined even though I wanted to. I explained to him that I was worried about hooking up and then it being nothing. He explained that he didn’t do long distance.

Why I put myself in this situation, I do not know. I have always fallen hard for the men that seemed to have a path. The men that put me second to their child or their career or something of that nature. As the years go by, I find myself being attracted to the ones that don’t put love first but make some sort of time for me aside from their busy schedules. I like the separation and cherish the time they give me, especially if it is very little. The ones that throw themselves into my life stress me. I am a busy girl. Realistically I do not have time for a relationship that would take too much of my time.

KFK works for now. He is witty and sarcastic. He has an awesome career path. He seems cultured enough due to all the traveling he does for work. I don’t like the simple. I like the complex or more commonly known as “difficult”. He makes me nervous. When men make me nervous, I become a magnet to them. I enjoy the challenge. I like to be kept on my toes. Comfortable is counterproductive. He can hold a witty conversation. That is almost the most important characteristic a man should have. He has a ton of Karma points on Reddit, what’s not to like?

He lives five hours away from me when I am up at school and nine hours away when I am in our hometown. I saw him last during Christmas break and twice the year before. We rarely speak. I am scared to talk to him while he is busy with his life and career. I am also busy with Mister Daren, nails, and school. It’s better that way. But if we are near each other, someone always speaks. This happened last weekend.

I was down for work and studying at Frat Face’s house. The high school best friend I spoke of in a previous post. I was getting into my Calculus studying when this popped up on my laptop…

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KFK flew down for work. He was about 45 minutes away. He wanted to see me. He wanted me to stay. My son was with his Yaya. I worked late the next day. The only thing that would be neglected was my studying. What the hell. Why the hell not. We rarely see each other…OF COURSE I WENT.

I get to the city where he is at. There are people walking all over the lively downtown. It was well lit and picturesque. He walks down into the street to guide me to the parking garage. I see his tall figure, his nice posture, his casual, but very put together outfit. He is wearing this navy blue jacket that I love. He is standing in the middle of the street with a half smile, walking towards my car. The surrounding hotels and bars lit up around him on this chilly night. All I am thinking is “please don’t get near my car. I have shit everywhere.” I am a mess. All the belongings of my weekend strewn all over the front seat. Mister Daren’s toys and half eaten powdered donut remnants in the back. “Please just let me be a lie.” He walks up and I think he wanted to get in and lead me to the hotel parking but probably noticed the array of shit in my passenger’s side and decides otherwise. He points me to where I need to go. I drive in the parking garage, hit my brakes. Then I am immediately embarrassed at the squeal of my brakes. Gross Katherine. Get your life straight. Anxiety is through the roof.

I get out of my car and he walks up to me. I look at him as if he were one of the Entz from Lord of the Rings. Just towering over me. I love it.

I didn’t realize you were this tiny.

I go to respond. I choke on the sentence that had something to do with me being 5’0″. Pull it together.Why does he do this to me? He puts his arm slightly around me and walks me over. I feel womanly. I am standing by a man who opens the door for me so fluidly. He walks with confidence. His body beside me making me feel dainty and ladylike. I yearn for this feeling. Somebody to dull my sharpness. He asks why I am so awkward. Cheese. Calling me out, KFK. I choke on my reply. He explains that he likes how I get more awkward when he states how awkward I am. The night starts out well. The deets are private for the most part, but no complaints in that department at all.

It was awkward staying with him after everything else. He is closed off. Doesn’t speak much. I don’t know if he feels weird around me. He isn’t mean. Just quiet. I didn’t know what to say so I attempted to study. Nerd alert.

You drove all the way over here to do math problems?

Choke.

He watches the sports channel. Not because he is male, but because he is male and works for a college football team. Savvy in this area, he is. I go to sleep. Then I wake up way before my alarm and start to get ready for work. I notice he is awake and staring at me. Grinning in his thick glasses he wears when he takes his contacts out. I love the glasses. I lean on the opposite bed looking at him. Trying to exchange my last few words before I depart. I am wearing the blazer from the night before, jeans, and some cheap Oxfords.

Business woman. He says quietly. He must like that I guess. I put on my huge, dark rimmed glasses and stare at him in his dark rimmed glasses…

Definitely business woman. 

I respond quietly to this idea of me as a business woman. I shouldn’t argue. Let him have this business woman fantasy but all I utter is…

No I am a nerd. And at that my phone rings. He thinks that it is the Final Fantasy Battle theme I have set as my alarm. I warned him about this obnoxious alarm the night before, but I woke up early so not to bother him. He must have been excited about it. But no, it was my best friend calling. I walk up to him and only hug him. I must not show attachment as my huge Louis V smacks his side as I perform my quick snippy hug. Tabitha on the phone, hearing all the commotion. She says something along the lines of “omg you are over there with him right now”. She understood the moment. The famous KFK. I leave and spill all these beans to my beloved best friend.

I go to work feeling sensitive. I listen to music that I liked in high school and try not to think about him and his hands and his mouth and his eyes and those cute ass glasses. I expect no word from him, cause that is how things go normally with men nowadays.

But around noon. He texts me and tells me he was glad I came over. This is gold because men hate to sign off and he didn’t let me down. He signed off. I texted him that I agreed. And that’s all for now.

I am partial to him. I don’t know him well. His personality is mostly a mystery. But yes I like him unfortunately. However, I keep it light as possible. If we are only creatures of the night and never anything more… That’s okay. They come and go as I come and go into others’ lives. If nothing ever happens, there is always another experience around the corner and that in itself is exciting. Perhaps more exciting than the tied down, gaining weight because comfortable, fighting about dinner, fighting about the mortgage, accusing each other of cheating etc etc etc. I have so much time for that. I must stay young and alive and keep understanding what I like in people, in men, and overall who I am. I yearn for a life partner but I know that if I am patient, it will pay off.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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