The complexity of one thought.

It has been an eternity since I have written.

16 days to be exact.

It has taken some time to feel at home and in place again…to get back into mom, college, work grind.

The single thought that bothers me daily is how much I am not a mother. My environment and circumstances have never really molded me into the cookie cutter mother I envisioned myself as growing up. My anxiety makes all aspects of parenthood a nightmare for me, even on the smallest scales.

I hate being a mother but I love my son.

Crucify me, mothers of the world. Honestly though, I have realized this to be a classic case when discussing parenthood with other parents (that are actually honest with themselves).

My son is cute as a button. Ole Mister Daren. But I live for us and my goal in life is to give him the world, despite my feelings of being a parent.

And that’s okay. Everyone will be okay.


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