So now that Christmas break has come to a close, let me talk about my men. No I don’t own a slave ship of men but let me talk about the ones I interact with on a semi-regular basis. First, this is my current relationship situation.
I don’t date.
Okay, I want to date. But I make things complicated normally. I am excessively picky. And I have been burned over and over. The deets are so cliché. I wish I could just name a rom com and be like, “that is my love situation summed up”.
After baby daddy, I thought finding another boyfriend would be easy. Boy I was so incredibly wrong. In partial desperation aka rebounding, I went for my high school best friend. I friend zoned him hard. HARD. HARDHARDHARD. Then he went to college, joined a frat, got really fit and stuff and when I was finally single again…I went in. Failure.
Me: I am really attracted to you.
Him: You are gonna be attracted to a lot of people now that you are single.
I had grown up in the parenting/adult life while he grew up in the college frat life. Then here I am trying to revert into the young people life. He knew too much. He was light years ahead of me, living the Drake life already. Here I am, nearly innocent and there he is…sleeping with girls and giving them the read receipt the next day.
I should have backed off, but then I decided to be a read receipt recipient.
He became my casual “person”. He burned me a lot. I wasn’t used to the casual hooking up, pretending no one has feelings. It was weird. It hurt me. Not because I was head over heels for him, but because it is unnatural. But I learned a lot from his behavior to better prepare for the next. Luckily, but more tragically I met Mister Blue Eyes.(I will write an entire separate post all about MBE, because he needs an entire post.)
MBE was someone that I never thought I would ever fall for. EVER. Nothing about him was extraordinary. He had a small build, toned but still skinny. He was about 5’8″. Sandy, blondish hair. Big ears. Pale. …His eyes though. So beautiful and frosty. Piercing blue. I liked the way he spoke and how aggressive he was. He was a dork, but fronted so much confidence I couldn’t help but like him. He was one of the only men in my life that knew how to handle me. He understood my humor and appreciated it. That is probably the most important quality I need in another human. Boyfriend. Husband. Whatever.
One of our conversations…
MBE: On a scale of 1 to 10, how gangster are you?
Me: 4. Because I am not that violent and I don’t own a gat, but my rap game strong.
MBE: That was the most perfect answer I could have ever asked for.
I fell in love with him quickly. Probably one of the only men I have ever loved. My best friend read a description of what love feels like chemically. It’s like you are on drugs and it is easier for you to be positive, like nothing could get you down. He is the only person I ever felt that way about. Wow, so easy for me to rant about this one. Let me save this story for later.
There were a few after him, but not even worth speaking on. They were practice. Made me tougher. Almost heartless sometimes. BUT ANYHOO.
When I go to my hometown it seems like my slave ship of men are suffocating me. All of them blowing up my phone. Enticing me to come over. Being sweet. Being all types of ways. Like hey Kat, I never talk to you or care about your life but since you are conveniently near, how are you?
Now there is Goliath that does keep up with me when I am away at school and when I am home. He is like 6’4″. While I was down, he got wasted and he told me how he felt about me. So I know he likes me a little. I stayed with him the other night then he got weird, after he said he wouldn’t get weird. I have known him since the 2nd grade. We are super comfortable together. But now I have to second guess myself wondering if I said anything that may have bothered him. I mean I almost got us killed by an alcoholic from Florida. I am notorious for talking shit out loud before checking to see if the coast is clear. I was talking mad shit about the alcoholic’s parking. Something along the lines of “oh you think since you are from Florida you can park however you want” as he was walking back to his horribly parked vehicle. I suck. But Goliath sucks harder because he doesn’t know Hemingway.